>>>> > Subject: Springfield, Ohio
>>>> >
>>>> > > You must first learn to correctly pronounce the city name. It is
>>>> > > "Spring-field, O-hi-o," also known as "Springtucky, Ohio." [Ann's
>>>>note:
>>>> > > I prefer to say "Sprang-field O-ha-uh."]
>>>> > >
>>>> > > Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Springfield has its
>>>>own
>>>> > > version of traffic rules:
>>>> > >
>>>> > > The truck with the loudest exhaust goes next at a four-way stop. The
>>>> > > truck with the biggest tires goes after that. The exception to the
>>>>above
>>>> > > is that blue-haired ladies driving anything have the right of way any
>>>> > > time.
>>>> > >
>>>> > > To find anything in Springfield, it is required that you know where
>>>>Monte
>>>> > > Zinn's and Wren's were [now Wyler's and the Bushnell Building].
>>>> > >
>>>> > > The morning rush hour is from 5:00 to 10:00 a.m. The evening rush
>>>>hour
>>>>is
>>>> > > from 3:00 to 7:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
>>>> > >
>>>> > > Stay just far enough back so you can read all the bumper stickers on
>>>>the
>>>> > > vehicle in front of you at all times.
>>>> > >
>>>> > > If you stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out,
>>>> > > possibly shot, and/or given two tickets to a Browns' game.
>>>> > >
>>>> > > You must know that State Route 40, Columbia/North St., Main St., and
>>>> > > National Rd. are all the same road. Also, N. Limestone St./S.
>>>>Limestone
>>>> > > St., State Route 72 and Springfield-Jamestown Rd. are all the same.
>>>>[And
>>>> > > let us not forget Mechanicsburg Rd., Lagonda Ave., Mitchell Blvd.,
>>>> > > McCreight Ave., St. Paris Rd., and Southwood Dr.]
>>>> > >
>>>> > > Construction is a permanent fixture in Springfield. The orange
>>>>barrels
>>>> > > are moved around in the middle of the night by a city employee to
>>>>make
>>>>the
>>>> > > next day's driving a bit more exciting.
>>>> > >
>>>> > > Watch carefully for road hazards such as deer, skunks, dogs, barrels,
>>>> > > cones, cows, horses, potholes, cats, pieces of other cars, possums,
>>>>truck
>>>> > > tires, raccoons, squirrels, rabbits, and crows, or turkey vultures
>>>>feeding
>>>> > > on any of these items.
>>>> > >
>>>> > > Be careful of individuals scouring these items for possible usage as
>>>>the
>>>> > > main entree on their dinner menu.
>>>> > >
>>>> > > If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
>>>>shoulder
>>>> > > immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."
>>>> > >
>>>> > > The minimum acceptable speed on the Indy speedway (Limestone Street
>>>>or
>>>> > > Home Road) is 65 mph. Anything less is considered downright
>>>>sissy-like.
>>>> > > This is Springfield's version of NASCAR and the Indy 500.
>>>> > >
>>>> > > Never honk at anyone. To do so may invite serious bodily injury.
>>>>You
>>>>may
>>>> > > however honk at a vehicle with a bumper sticker that reads "Honk if
>>>>you've
>>>> > > seen Elvis lately."
>>>> > >
>>>> > > If you are in the left lane and going only 70 in a 55 zone, you are
>>>> > > considered a road hazard, and will receive flashing lights, blaring
>>>>horns,
>>>> > > and "the bird" from the blue-hairs behind you.
>>>> > >
>>>> > > Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city
>>>>driving.
>>>> > >
>>>> > > If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. If it's ten
>>>> > > degrees and sleeting/snowing, then there's a City Plaza Party.
>>>> > >
>>>> > > If you're in a bar and there's a DJ playing a parody of some sort,
>>>>then
>>>> > > you're at The Night Gallery. If you're at a bar and there is a
>>>>shooting,
>>>> > > you are at The Regency Room/Club Bounce located centrally between the
>>>>old
>>>> > > Wren's Department store and The State Theater.
>>>> > >
>>>> > > If the city is laying off teachers while granting five percent pay
>>>> > > increases for administrators, you'll know you are in Springfield!
>>>> > >
>>>> > > Come visit us any time!
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