There were only two of these that I could actually add in here because the rest were so obscene... but then, most "smarty-pants" replies are generated from that sort of person anyway.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these
turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
*******************
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his
window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally
stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket! .