NORTH 'n SOUTH

NORTH 'n SOUTH
The North has Bloomingdales. The South has Dollar General

The North has coffee houses. The South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services. The South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives. The South has Lee Press-on Nails.

The North has double last names. The South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races. The South has stock car races.

North has Cream of Wheat. The South has grits.

The North has green salads. The South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters. The South has crawfish.

The North has the rust belt. The South has the Bible Belt.


FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .
In the South:
If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a
four-wheel Drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly.
Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way.
This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same
Store...do not buy food at this store.

Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all
y'all's" is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on How
to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying.
They can't understand you either.

The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's
vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy.
Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this Way. All
of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid defense here [Image] If
you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you Should
stay out of the way. These are likely to be The last words he'll ever
say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the
Smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at The local
Grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need Anything or not. You
just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns,
They are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green
Lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, Don't
think we will accept them as Southerners.
After all, just because the cat had kittens in the oven, don't makem
biscuits.

Hey Bri.....remember that your wife was born in SC.....and she LOVES grits!

correction, she loves butter and salt and uses Grits as an excuse to consume the two.

Brian wrote:

correction, she loves butter and salt and uses Grits as an excuse to consume the two.

Nope, I love grits.......I've eaten them plain and still like them. Butter and salt are just an added bonus, ya know, like whip cream on waffles.

Yep, this seems to be right on. All ya'll odd folks from the North just don't understand how things are sposed ta be done.

I guess ya'll just can't help being snooty at times - since everything up North is so prim and proper like. It's gotta be borin' though.

I really liked that one!

And for the southerners moving to the Norf.. When u start to say you's guys.. its time to bring it on home.. to Dixie

Let's have a moment of silence for our dear Anna......who lost her south of the mason- dixion line heart to a yank........and then was shanghied to PA.......I know that her heart will always be in her beloved Vuh-gin-ya. sniff sniff.........

there must be something to that Yank thing... you lost both of your daughters to yanks. hmmmm

Nah, it probably has more to do with the Italian in the ladies than it does with "something to that Yank thing"... but hey Brian you can assume then that you're the favored since you relocated yourself in the "south" right?

If you can't sell your goods where your located... then move to a place where your goods sell like hot cakes.

Brian wrote:

If you can't sell your goods where your located... then move to a place where your goods sell like hot cakes.

Oh good grief.........ya gotta love him........

And let me tell ya'll sumpin.........no southerner worth their #3 license plate cover would EVER consider anything north of Richmond "the south."

And yeah jess... I agree... it must be the italian in them.....can't control genes.......

i don't understand the #3 license plate cover thing... over my head... the only guess I can make is that it has to do something with a racecar driver....

This all reminds me of the license plates and decals i've been seeing...

LVN8 MSN3 (for y'all that don't know what the heck that means...Loving 8 Missing 3, that would be Dale Jr. and Dale Sr. of Nascar).

Now i KNOW we ain't THAT redneck!!!! (yet)

And NO, NoVa is NOT south! It cuts off at Richmond...any self respectin' southern boy/girl nose that!

Beth: But i will admit to wanting a "No, this is not my husbands truck" and "Silly boys, trucks are for girls" decals for my 4x4 jacked up truck with its new 285's on it. Dagnabbit! Maybe i am more redneck than i thought!

I think the south sounds so much more fun.

I liked big country trucks until I started paying for my own gas.