PALM SUNDAY:
IT WAS PALM SUNDAY AND, BECAUSE OF A SORE THROAT,
FIVE-YEAR-OLD JOHNNY STAYED
HOME FROM CHURCH WITH A SITTER. WHEN THE FAMILY
RETURNED HOME, THEY WERE
CARRYING SEVERAL PALM BRANCHES. THE BOY ASKED WHAT
THEY WERE FOR.
"PEOPLE HELD THEM OVER JESUS' HEAD AS HE WALKED BY."
"WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT," THE BOY FUMED, "THE ONE SUNDAY
I DON'T GO, HE SHOWS UP!"
*********************
CHILDREN'S SERMON:
ONE EASTER SUNDAY MORNING AS THE MINISTER WAS
PREACHING THE CHILDREN'S SERMON,
HE REACHED INTO HIS BAG OF PROPS AND PULLED OUT AN
EGG. HE POINTED AT THE EGG
AND ASKED THE CHILDREN, "WHAT'S IN HERE?"
"I KNOW!" A LITTLE BOY EXCLAIMED. "PANTYHOSE!"
****************
SUPPORT A FAMILY:
THE PROSPECTIVE FATHER-IN-LAW ASKED, "YOUNG MAN, CAN
YOU SUPPORT A FAMILY?"
THE SURPRISED GROOM-TO-BE REPLIED, "WELL, NO. I WAS
JUST PLANNING TO SUPPORT
YOUR DAUGHTER. THE REST OF YOU WILL HAVE TO FEND FOR
YOURSELVES."
****************
GRANDMA'S AGE:
LITTLE JOHNNY ASKED HIS GRANDMA HOW OLD SHE WAS.
GRANDMA
ANSWERED, "39 AND HOLDING."
JOHNNY THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN SAID, "AND HOW
OLD WOULD YOU BE IF YOU LET
GO?"
*****************
FIRST TIME USHERS:
A LITTLE BOY IN CHURCH FOR THE FIRST TIME WATCHED AS
THE USHERS PASSED AROUND
THE OFFERING PLATES. WHEN THEY CAME NEAR HIS PEW, THE
BOY SAID LOUDLY, "DON'T
PAY FOR ME DADDY. I'M UNDER FIVE."
*************
PRAYERS:
THE SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER ASKED, "NOW, JOHNNY, TELL
ME, DO YOU SAY PRAYERS
BEFORE EATING?"
"NO SIR," HE REPLIED, "WE DON'T HAVE TO. MY MOM IS A
GOOD COOK!"
****************
CLIMB THE WALLS:
"OH, I SURE AM HAPPY TO SEE YOU," THE LITTLE BOY SAID
TO HIS GRANDMOTHER ON HIS
MOTHER'S SIDE. "NOW MAYBE DADDY WILL DO THE TRICK HE
HAS BEEN PROMISING US."
THE GRANDMOTHER WAS CURIOUS. "WHAT TRICK IS THAT?"SHE
ASKED. "I HEARD HIM TELL
MOMMY THAT HE WOULD CLIMB THE WALLS IF YOU CAME TO
VISIT" THE LITTLE BOY
ANSWERED.
***********
THE MOOD RING:
MY HUSBAND BOUGHT ME A MOOD RING THE OTHER DAY. WHEN
I'M IN A GOOD MOOD IT TURNS
GREEN.
WHEN I'M IN A BAD MOOD, IT LEAVES A RED MARK ON HIS
FOREHEAD.
*************** THE WATER PISTOL:
WHEN MY THREE-YEAR-OLD SON OPENED THE BIRTHDAY GIFT
FROM HIS
GRANDMOTHER, HE DISCOVERED A WATER PISTOL. HE SQUEALED
WITH DELIGHT AND HEADED
FOR THE NEAREST SINK.
I WAS NOT SO PLEASED. I TURNED TO MOM AND SAID,
"I'MSURPRISED
AT YOU. DON'T YOU REMEMBER HOW WE USED TO DRIVE YOU
CRAZY WITH WATER GUNS?"
MOM SMILED AND THEN REPLIED..... "I REMEMBER."
**************
LIFE AFTER DEATH:
"DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER DEATH?" THE BOSS ASKED
ONE OF HIS
EMPLOYEES,"
THE NEW EMPLOYEE REPLIED, "BUT OF COURSE."
"WELL, THEN, THAT MAKES EVERYTHING JUST FINE," THE
BOSS WENT ON.
"AFTER YOU LEFT EARLY YESTERDAY TO GO TO YOUR
GRANDMOTHER'S FUNERAL, SHE STOPPED
IN TO SEE YOU
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